Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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