I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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