I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
