party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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