I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As shirtless as possible
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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