FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
