"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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