Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
