To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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