tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
