Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
