its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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