Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
