in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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