I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
