if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
