I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
