his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
