I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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