Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
