Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
