So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
