Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We left the knife in your bed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
