good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
