But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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