All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
