So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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