based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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