i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
