so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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