wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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