If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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