Already got asked if we're dating
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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