is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
