We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
