Non-Jews are for practice
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
