Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
