farters have to be the big spoon...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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