Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
