Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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