There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my mouth tastes like poor choices
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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