The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
