He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
