There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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