He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
