Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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