Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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