I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
