I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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