I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
